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Happy St. Patrick's Day!

This is my first St. Patrick's Day after officially tracing some of my ancestry back to Ireland!

I don't feel any different; I'm still sober. My options for celebrating are severely limited when I'm underage, living in the dorms, and without a car.

I might watch Michael Collins tonight for the hell of it. It's long movie, but I feel like I need to do something.

I'm all for a little enthusiastic exploitation of heritage on St. Patrick's Day, but I can only handle so many mediocre attempts at Irish accents. I'm not in the position to judge--seeing as I always sound like the leprechaun from The Simpsons--but the radio and TV advertisements drive me up the wall with what I can only describe as a bastardization of something between an Irish and a Scottish brogue.

It's always like, "We've got everything Irish! Corned beef and cabbage! Green beer! Bagpipes!"


It's no wonder this is a drinking holiday.

And on that note, I'll leave you with my favorite Whose Line is it Anyway? Irish drinking song: "Got Mugged."

I was reviewing for my exam on the American executive when the thought occurred to me--

I wonder if there’s Thomas Jefferson/Alexander Hamilton slash.

I couldn’t help it; I’ve been on the Internet too long. And now I had to know.

The first result on a Google search led to a NC-17 bondage fic. I have so many questions, but possibly the most concerning is:

How did I know Hamilton would top?


Procrastination station

Economic Left/Right: -6.88
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.23

Take the test here.


Light of my life, fire of my loins

Sometimes there is so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, and I have to express myself through pop culture references.

2 a.m. rant

It bothers me when people say stupid things like, "I don't get British humor."

"British humor," by common definition, meaning intellectual or dry humor disseminated by Britons.

I find that attitude dismissive. Whenever I don't understand a joke because it is too intelligent, I strive to discover why it was funny. I don't shrug and think, I don't understand it because I'm American.

I hate it when people erect an often fictional cultural barrier as an excuse to not like something.

I hate that this attitude carries a negative implication that the person who does laugh is an expatriate and/or pretentious.

I hate that I can't share my love for A Bit of Fry & Laurie, The Thick of It, Mock the Week, and others without friends and family labeling me an arrogant anglophile.

I love being American.

I love comedy: American, British, it doesn't matter. If it's good, it's good.

I hate that people try to make taste in humor such a point of contention.

I hate that I think I just dug myself a little bit deeper.

It never stopped.

These pictures for GQ February 2011 are the best thing I woke up to this morning, and I got to sleep in until 11 a.m. and eat fried perch for lunch, so that's saying something.

We need to hump togetherCollapse )

It takes all kinds

After class today, I went and hung out at the local coffee house because it's the only place within walking distance where you can get a decent cup of tea.

And by cup, I mean a "grande." There aren't any Starbucks around here, so I don't know who they're trying to impress. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

Anyway, it's pretty busy on a Friday afternoon, so I make my way to the back room and sit at an empty table with one chair at it. I settle in before I realize I'm sitting next to two hipsters on a date. If it's one thing a college town coffee shop consistently offers, it's good eavesdropping. The girl has a particularly shrill voice.

She was explaining to potential significant other how, even at 21, she still believed in magic. He agreed, but with markedly less enthusiasm.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with being childish," she continued. "I mean, my friends say I'm naive, but I don't think so, you know?"

I didn't think she was in the position to judge her own naivete. That's kind of the point of being naive.

My back was to them, but from the tone of their voices things seemed to be going well. I don't know. I think the boy's easiness with curse words was embarrassing the girl, but at the same time the boy might have been slightly unnerved by the girl's eccentricity masquerading as impish quirkiness.

Either way, the two seemed to bond over a shared love of Kurt Vonnegut, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and the belief that the president is merely a figurehead.

At that point, I tried to tune them out, but I couldn't. Their voiced were fixed in my head.

The girl went on to explain her theory of greed and how it didn't exist until humans coined money.

There's two ways to look at this situation: a) I'm going to die alone, and b) there's someone for everyone, but good-fucking-luck trying to find that person.

Those are both pessimistic views. Sorry.

Eventually, they parted ways. They vowed to see each other again, but I thought they were just being polite. I could be wrong; I'm a little naive myself.

There was also a group of high school music students, but they were considerably less entertaining. Actually, they were just loud and obnoxious. They seemed very young, but maybe that had to do with their being music students. I don't know why this is, but music students always seem to mature more slowly, whether physically or mentally--and I say this as a former percussionist. I wouldn't trade my time in the school band for anything else, but the environment is coddling.

It's just an observation.

I took a sip of my tea and pulled out my book. I brought Craig Ferguson's American on Purpose because it was the only book I had in my dorm room that was small enough to fit in my purse.

I haven't gotten very far yet because I'm always distracted whenever I try to read it. Honestly, it makes me feel creepy because I already know most of the anecdotes. When I stop to think about it, I realize I've been watching his show regularly for five years. It's bizarre how some celebrities become so integral to our daily routines that I know more about them than some of my friends.

Of course, the book is very pro-America. At first I was like, Aw, you're too kind! and No, we love you! But after a while, I'm like, All right, are you being sarcastic? His patriotism is sickeningly sweet in some chapters. Don't get me wrong, at the end of the day I love my country, but all this praise is making me uncomfortable.

Maybe I'm just cynical.

I also brought along some study abroad financial information to review before I meet with an advisor next week. Obviously it's going to be expensive no matter what, but I think I can make it happen--and that hope is closest thing I've felt to being in love in years.

How I spend my Christmas break


Black Swan

I had originally believed that the lesbian sex scene was the sole reason for the hype, but after locating a streaming copy online (has everyone seen it yet?), I was pleasantly surprised by the story and impressed with Natalie Portman's performance.

I'm not normally attracted to Vincent Cassel, but my teacher kink is so strong that I am willing to overlook the fact that he completely abused his power and influence over his students to sexually molest the dancers. Also: It's just a movie.

I was a little uncomfortable with how much I identified with Nina and her obsession with being "perfect."

True Grit

I saw this in the theater with my mom. It was good, but it wasn't my favorite. No, I haven't seen the original. I thought the girl whose name I really should have IMDb'd by now and Jeff Bridges did a fantastic job, though.

Oh, and I got to see the trailer for Water for Elephants before the movie. My mom doesn't share my enthusiasm for Christoph Waltz.

I'm still holding out hope that The King's Speech will make it around here before the Oscars, but theaters in my area rarely show those movies because they don't make money.

Death at a Funeral

I didn't like it; I think I expected less physical comedy and toilet humor. Furthermore, I don't understand why they made an American version last year because the original already felt like a clunky remake.

In Bruges

I watched this weeks ago and forgot to write about it, so I don't remember some of the details. I remember thinking Ralph Fiennes was wonderful, the American tourists were too fat, and that Irish accents are overrated. Overall, I liked it a lot.

Blue Car

I watched this because seeing David Strathairn play a English teacher that has sex with one of his students was too good of an opportunity to pass up. The actual sex scene was one of the most awkward ones I've ever seen in film, but it was probably fair.


I had intended to watch this by myself, but my mom joined me halfway through. It isn't exactly a mother-daughter movie. Well, it is, but that's the problem. Almost every movie I watch with mother-daughter themes is not suitable for me to watch with my mother.

La Vie En Rose

I figured the evening wasn't going to be getting any lighter, so after my mom went to bed I put on a biopic about Edith Piaf. Marion Cotillard's performance was spectacular; I hardly recognized her.

Rosemary's Baby

Not nearly as scary as I was hoping it would be. Maybe it's different for people who have children. Or maybe I'm not Catholic enough. Nevertheless, I'm glad I saw it.

My Left Foot

Wonderful, inspiring, etc. You had me at "Based on a true story." I am still repenting for previously underestimating Daniel Day-Lewis. Thanks to Tropic Thunder, I couldn't stop thinking "You never go full retard" throughout the film.


It's about a Catholic priest, who is gay, and he secretly has sex with Robert Carlyle. I, for one, never thought I'd watch Begbie bottom.

So it was kind of like

But with more Scottish accents, so I was like

SPOILER: I appreciated the sentiment at the end of the film, but I personally would have chosen fucking Robert Carlyle over church every time.

That Sinking Feeling

Charming, low-budget Scottish comedy from 1980. I discovered it after trying to figure out why Local Hero had such cultural significance. I still have more questions than answers.

I liked it enough to recommend it--it's available on YouTube.

2001: A Space Odyssey

I watched 2001: A Space Odyssey as it was meant to be seen: on a tiny laptop screen.

I love it when old sci-fi movies both overestimate and underestimate the future at the same time ($1.70 for a long distance phone call? Hot damn!). The concept, sets, and music were all fantastic. I can only imagine the experience of seeing it in cinerama.


Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh

I finally finished re-reading this last week. I was surprised at how much I remembered, and how many feelings flooded back to me with each chapter. I cried after I read "Bad Blood," and I never cry while reading books.

Earth by The Daily Show

Absolutely hilarious. I don't even know where to begin; just read it.

Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk by David Sedaris

This is unlike the David Sedaris books I have read previously. It's sort of like a collection of perverse Aesop's fables. It includes possibly the greatest sentence I've read all week:

"What if jazz was squirrel slang for something terrible, like anal intercourse?" - The Chipmunk

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day and a safe evening!

Personally, I'm still celebrating Halloween so I'm listening to "Monster Mash" right now.

This is an attempt at a Christmas post

Frankie Boyle Kills Santa

"Surely there is something between killing him and making love to him!"


"Six to Eight Black Men" is possibly my favorite Christmas story. David Sedaris is my favorite memoirist.

"Santa doesn't eat tapas!"

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

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November 2011



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